Four Funerals and a Wedding

In today's advanced preaching class we're thinking about "Occasional Talks" – by which we mean sermons for public occasions like Funerals and Weddings.

There are all sorts of ways wedding talks and funeral talks can be done badly. Let's discuss some disaster scenarios in the blog comments and in class.

In fact, all we really have to do is identify the disasters and not do them!

Funerals

1. How would it feel to be there?
   
   The first and most obvious thing to think about when you're preparing a funeral sermon is, how would it feel to BE THERE? What would you be thinking about and feeling if you were saying goodbye to a loved one? I'm not really talking about the deep thoughts here… in fact, the immediacy of it all comes crashing in. You'll be thinking, "Where's a tissue? There's Aunty Marg – I haven't seen her for years. Who's that guy over there whose name I can't remember." You'll have tears in your eyes, you'll be sitting on an uncomfortable pew, you won't feel much like singing, you'll be dreading the trip to the Crematorium, you'll be concerned for your grieving mum, you'll be wondering at the effect it's having on your kids, perhaps you'll be so deafened by your overwhelming grief that you can't think about anything at all. Then, of course, there's the majority of the crowd. They've interrupted their working week to say goodbye to a colleague or friend. For them it's not grief in the same way as the immediate family. In fact, often it's not grief at all, so much as respect. Or even being there because it's the right thing to do. When you're preparing to speak at a funeral, the key thing is … don't expect too much from your listeners. They're not there to hear from you, and they are VERY distracted by the events of the past week. Remember… they've just been bereaved.
   
2. Catch and Release
   When you've got a captive audience, the temptation is to make the most of it and ram home your message. But the best rule I know for 'public preaching' like this is, when you've got a captive audience, LET THEM GO … don't take advantage of their presence by ram-rodding them with the gospel, or by being provocative, or by saying everything you ever wanted to say in one sitting.
   
3. Use Keller Kindness
   If ever there's a time for Tim Keller's model of gracious engagement, this will be it! Be kind, be humble, be gentle in everything you say and do.
   
4. Separate the Eulogy from the Sermon
   We know the gospel holds out wonderful hope in the face of death, but the reality is if you're serving in a church in a community, you'll be called on to speak at funerals for all kinds of people. Not all of them will be Christians. The best way forward in this case is to keep the Eulogy – kind words about the deceased – completely separate from the sermon – words about scripture. The Eulogy may be given by a friend or family member, in which case they may sometimes awkwardly make untrue spiritual statements. However, if the preacher is asked to give the Eulogy, do your best to interview the family to discover warm and loving memories, as well as basic life history, so you can deliver a suitably warm and affirming Eulogy. Be sensitive here… and remember, keep it totally separate from the sermon! When it comes to the sermon, on the other hand, speak clearly from a passage of the bible, without reflecting on the life of the deceased. Application is aimed at those who remain, and any inferences need to be made by them, and not you.
   
5. Be Brief
   This really belongs under the heading 'catch and release', because in the case of a funeral you definitely need to let people go before they are restless. I generally aim for a five to seven minute sermon within a 40 minute funeral.
   

A Christian Funeral

Christian funerals are different. They're a great opportunity to express the hope we have, and to reflect on the faith and life of one who has departed to be with Christ. However…

1. Don't diminish grief. Christians grieve too! It is un-natural and un-helpful to by-pass the fact that death is devastatingly painful. While we do not grieve as the pagans do, we still grieve.
   
2. Feel free to connect the Eulogy and the Sermon… but don't over-glorify the departed. If the person was truly godly, they would hate you to do that!
   
3. Don't over-zealously evangelise the non-Christian guest. Be thought provoking, be tantalising, use the opportunity wisely… but again, don't alienate by overplaying to gospel opportunity.
   

Defining a Win

What would a 'win' look like when you have the chance to preach to a church full of grieving non-Christians?

1. They see and hear and are comforted by the compassion of the church
   
2. They are reminded of the fond memories they have of the deceased.
   
3. They feel welcome, comfortable and at home in the church environment
   
4. They listen all the way through the sermon, and feel some sense of connection with what is said
   
5. They hear gently of the hope of resurrection in language that's easy to understand.
   
6. They have found some comfort in the process.
   

   
    

What to Preach on?

If the family has chosen a passage, I am always happy to preach on it. Otherwise, I usually gravitate towards:-

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9, Psalm 23, Psalm 121, Romans 8:31-39

A Sample Sermon – Eccl 3:1-9

Right through the 1930s, the people of Sydney were faced with a mystery. Every morning, as commuters were rushing through the Sydney streets, the word ETERNITY was written on the footpaths in yellow chalk. It was written in beautiful, copperplate script. Just one word. ETERNITY. Every city street. The entrance to every railway station. No matter where you went, you couldn't avoid it. Everywhere you turned, there was a reminder of ETERNITY.

It turns out the graffiti was the work of ARTHUR STACE. Arthur was a cleaner by trade, an alcoholic whose life was turned around when he heard the message of Jesus in a Sydney church in 1932. He said, I'm not good with words. I knew I'd never make much of a preacher. But I just wanted to MAKE PEOPLE THINK. Which he did. For almost 30 years. In what people came to call the ONE WORD SERMON. ETERNITY.

I don't know how it is with you. Maybe you've got eternity on your mind a lot. Maybe you don't NEED a reminder from Arthur Stace on your footpath. Or maybe you try to avoid it.

Which is harder on a day like today as we say goodbye to G.

I wonder if you noticed ETERNITY sneaking in to the poem we just heard. It's a poem from a particularly FAMOUS part of the bible. The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. Back in the 60s it was turned into a pop-song by the BYRDS. Which I'd rather not sing for you. And in fact, they're words that Luella has copied down in the front of an old diary. They're words about TIME. With a word about ETERNITY as well.

They're words with a rhythm a like the swing of a pendulum. Standing back and looking at the seasons of life. And the poem says, it's all going to roll around, whether you're ready or not. There's a summary in verse 1. "There's a time for everything - there's a season for every activity under heaven." And then it spells it out. There's a time to be born, there's a time to die. There's a time to plant, there's a time to uproot.

It's all part of the GREAT cycle. It's all part of time taking it's course. Which in some ways is a comfort. And in other ways is SO SAD, isn't it? Because the times roll around whether we're ready or not. There's a time to tear down, a time to build, a time to WEEP and a time to laugh. A time to MOURN and a time to dance. If you want to count them, there are 14 pairs of direct opposites. Scatter, gather, keep, throw away, tear, mend, love, hate, war, peace. But they're just a sample of the opposites life's made out of.

Time is funny stuff. And in a way, there is a FITTING TIME for everything. There's a sense in which I think L knew, that the family knew, that G's uncle N knew, that in the end, the time was right. That it was time to GRIEVE. Time to WEEP. And it's a HEAVY LOAD, isn't it. And you're tempted to say WHAT'S THE POINT. Which are the words that are said near the bottom of the passage there, the sentences marked NUMBER 9 and 10.

"What does the worker GAIN FROM HIS TOIL? The writer says, "I've seen the burden God has laid on men." AND IT'S HEAVY. He's made everything so GOOD IN IT'S TIME. But then the time is GONE.

And then these words. He's also done this. In the second last line. In the midst of the time for this and the time for that, in the CYCLES of sowing and reaping and laughing and mourning that make up LIFE… there's the unavoidable GLIMMER OF ETERNITY. Which keeps saying to us THIS ISN'T ALL THERE IS. And there's something outside the circle. Something bigger.

GOD HAS SET ETERNITY… in the hearts of men. So that even if there isn't someone WRITING IT ON THE FOOTPATH… you can't avoid it in your heart.

See those words again. "I've seen the burden God has laid on men. He's made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set ETERNITY in the hearts of men... yet they CANNOT FATHOM what God has done from beginning to end."
That's the bottom line. This ancient poet says, God's put ETERNITY IN OUR HEARTS. But it's too deep to get our heads around. Eternity like a splinter. A niggle that won't go away.

You know, it's an interesting thing… the whole subject of ETERNITY was something JESUS often talked about. Hundreds of years after this poem was first written. The poem says, we've got eternity in our hearts. But we can't UNDERSTAND IT. With JESUS… that changed. There's one time in the GOSPEL OF JOHN, and I might encourage you if you've GOT A BIBLE to read THE GOSPEL OF JOHN SOMETIME… but there's a time when crowds of people are REJECTING JESUS. And Jesus says to his twelve disciples, his twelve closest followers, he says, "WELL… ARE YOU LEAVING TOO?"

And Simon Peter, one of the 12, he answers him and he says this.  He says, "Lord, WHO WOULD WE GO TO? You… have the words of ETERNAL LIFE. ⁶⁹We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

Peter has been with Jesus long enough to know that the KEYS TO ETERNITY are with HIM. The HOLY ONE OF GOD who has come into our world. So if ever you've got that feeling that eternity is in your heart but you just can't get your head around it, can I suggest you START THERE. With Jesus. Who really does have the WORDS OF ETERNAL LIFE. And proved it. By RISING FROM THE DEAD himself.

 

Sample Sermon 2

This sermon was for the dad of a church member, who is a well known trivia buff.

Reading – Romans 8:31-39

³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
³⁶As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." ³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"Seven questions"

I'm not sure if any other members of the family share's Peter's fascination with TRIVIA QUESTIONS. But I know that at least Peter will know that the height of Mount Everest is 8,850 metres.

Although it wouldn't surprise me if Pete were to tell me later that last year a rock fell off the top and it's now down to 8,849.

The fact remains, the PEAK OF THE WORLD'S HIGHEST MOUNTAIN is almost 9 kilometres ABOVE SEA LEVEL

What about the DEPTH OF THE DEEPEST SEA?

Well, let me tell you, the record for the deepest manned DIVE in a Bathyscape was set in January 1960. When the TRIEST reached a point 10,916 metres BELOW SEA LEVEL. And I'm sure if you ask Peter some time he can tell you who was in it.

The highest height. 9 kilometres ABOVE SEA LEVEL.

The DEEPEST DEPTH… almost 11 kilometres.. BELOW SEA LEVEL.

Which is kind of useful to know when you look at the final couple of lines in the bible passage we've just read. Verses 38 and 39. Where the Apostle Paul says, "³⁸For I am convinced that neither DEATH NOR LIFE, neither ANGELS NOR DEMONS,
neither THE PRESENT NOR THE FUTURE, nor any powers… ³⁹neither HEIGHT NOR DEPTH… nor ANYTHING ELSE in all creation… will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

He says, You can be in the deepest depths of the MARIANA TRENCH. And you're STILL NOT SEPARATED FROM THE LOVE OF GOD that's in CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD.

You can be at the PEAK OF MOUNT EVEREST. And it won't change anything. You're STILL NOT SEPARATED from the LOVE OF GOD that's in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Which all pales into insignificance, of course, at least in our minds, when you compare it with the distance that seems to be created by DEATH. I mean, a loved one can be on the other side of the world, and they still seem CLOSE. Compared to the sense of loss, the sense of a YAWNING CHASM… that seems to OPEN UP at the DEATH OF A LOVED ONE.

And to us at a time like this, it's very real. No more visits. No more phone calls. No more handshakes. No more laughs. FOR US, bound as we are by the LIMITATIONS OF FLESH and TIME AND PLACE, the TRAGEDY OF DEATH is that it opens up a gap that we just can't CROSS OVER. In spite of the claims of fraudsters like JOHN EDWARD, who claim they can speak to the dead.

From our perspective, ,the reality is that DEATH CREATES A BARRIER; a GAP of un-crossable proportions.

Uncrossable for a time for US maybe. But the good news is, NOT UNCROSSABLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Look again how those verses started out.

³⁸For I am convinced that neither DEATH NOR LIFE… nor any of those other things… will be able to separate us FROM THE LOVE OF GOD that's in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Death might separate us from ONE ANOTHER. But it certainly doesn't separate us from the LOVE OF GOD in Christ.

NON TRIVIAL QUESTIONS

I mentioned before that I know Pete's got a passion for TRIVIA QUESTIONS. And it's interesting that our passage today is one that's LOADED WITH QUESTIONS. Although I've got to say, they're ANYTHING BUT TRIVIAL.

In the space of a few short paragraphs in Romans chapter 8, there's a string of SEVEN QUESTIONS.

The first of them springing from that opening statement; that WE KNOW that in all things God works for the GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.

So track your eye down the passage on the sheet and notice the questions.

Question 1. What, then, shall we say in response to this?

Question 2. If God is for us, who can be against us?

Question 3. 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Question 4. ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?

Question 5. It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns?

Question 6. WHO WILL SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST?

And question 7; Shall TROUBLE, or HARDSHIP or PERSECUTION or NAKEDNESS OR DANGER or SWORD… separate us from the love of Chris?

The good thing is, most of them are RHETORICAL QUESTIONS. So it's not as if you have to be a trivia expert or a rocket scientist or a theologian to figure out the answers.

So what can we say in response to God's CARE FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM? Question 1.

NOBODY can stand against us if God is for us.

He's given HIS SON TO TAKE OUR SINS ON HIMSELF AT THE CROSS. OF COURSE he'll look after the rest of the deal.

Who will bring any charge against God's people? NOBODY CAN. We're FULLY FORGIVEN.

WHO WILL CONDEMN US? Question 5. NOBODY CAN. We've been JUSTIFIED BY GOD.

Who will SEPARATE US FROM THAT LOVE OF GOD? NOBODY… and NOTHING.

Trouble? No. Hardship? No. Persecution? NO. Danger? No? Sword? No. Not even DEATH. Nor the highest mountain, nor the deepest sea.

I think he's trying to tell us that if you've put your trust in Christ, then at a time like this, there's nothing to worry about. That if you've lived your life with a confidence in Jesus, then at NO POINT do you need to have DOUBTS or SECOND THOUGHTS. As if anything could MESS WITH THAT.

Which means on a day like today, these are comforting words.

And for those of us who keep living and keep trusting in Jesus, words that should keep our minds at ease for our own future as well. That our future is in SAFE AND SECURE HANDS.

 

Sermon 3 – Di Drake

Di Drake was a member of our church who had come from an incredibly hard background. For her final years, she could only walk with a support frame as her body was wracked with tremors from a nerve condition brought about by anxiety and stress from the abuse she had suffered earlier in life. I chose the passage from Malachi 4… It was a bit ambitious, but my assumption was that it would largely be members of our congregation who attended.

 

Malachi 4 -The Day of the LORD

 1 "Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them. 2 But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. 3 Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.

 4 "Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel.

 5 "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. 6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."

Talk – Phil

I want to apologise in a sense for what you might think is an unusual choice of Bible Passage for a day like today. Although it may be for some of you, you might have guessed why I chose it.

It's a passage that comes right at the VERY END of the Old Testament. Malachi Chapter 4.

And I don't know if in your mind it's kind of CHEATING when you get a new book to sneak a look ahead at the last page. And SEE HOW THE STORY ENDS.

If you were JEWISH, and you only had the OLD TESTAMENT SCRIPTURES, the words I read MAKE UP THAT FINAL PAGE. The END OF THE OLD TESTAMENT STORY.

And it is, in the tradition of the best TV Soap Operas and 1920s silent movie serials, a CLIFF HANGER ENDING. You'd go along to the movie theatre and every week you'd see the next episode of the PERILS OF PAULINE in glorious black and white; where at the end of every episode, PAULINE WOULD BE IN TERRIBLE DANGER. With NO WAY OF ESCAPE. Tied to the railway tracks. Or literally DANGLING FROM A CLIFF. Her grip starting to loosen. And the words come on the screen TO BE CONTINUED… so you'd have to come back the NEXT WEEK. To see how it pans out.

Here's the OLD TESTAMENT CLIFF HANGER. And it's offering, if you look at the words on your sheet, TWO DISTINCT SCENARIOS for the Israelites, the Old Testament PEOPLE OF GOD.

Their FUTURE is dangling by a thread.

And I want you to notice the options.

Future number 1. Verse 1. Surely the day is coming, it will BURN LIKE A FURNACE. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them.

Which is a scary scenario indeed. The Lord Almighty, talking to his people the Israelites, saying, DON'T BE COMPLACENT. Because if you're an ARROGANT EVILDOER, the day's just around the corner where you're going to BURN LIKE A FURNACE.

But FUTURE NUMBER 2. Healing. Verse 2. "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with HEALING IN ITS WINGS. And you will go out and LEAP LIKE CALVES RELEASED FROM THE STALL. 3 Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.

Two possible futures. About to unfold. And a final warning. That you'll see in verse 5 and 6. There'll be ONE MORE PROPHET before the Lord comes. And there'll be ONE MORE WARNING. And he'll TURN THE HEARTS of God's people. OR ELSE… the final words in the final sentence of the whole Old Testament…or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."

Which is it going to be? Future 1? Or Future 2? Malachi the prophet says to Israel, make up your minds. When THE LORD COMES TO VISIT US… you going to be TRODDEN DOWN LIKE ASH? Or are you going to be LEAPING FOR JOY? When everything in Israel's PUT RIGHT AGAIN… you going to BURN? Or you going to frisk around the fields like a calf in the springtime?

That's the question. At the VERY END OF THE OLD TESTAMENT. To be continued. What's it going to be? Which way will they go?

Of course, from our point in history we've seen the SECOND INSTALLMENT already; and we KNOW that the FINAL PROPHET CAME; John the Baptist. And then THE LORD HIMSELF CAME. In the person of the LORD JESUS CHRIST. Who SHOWED in a very concrete way that HE WAS THE ONE MALACHI WAS TALKING ABOUT. By very specifically BRINGING HEALING in remarkable ways. And making the LAME LEAP FOR JOY like calves in a field. When they turned to him. "But for you who REVERE MY NAME, the sun of righteousness will rise with HEALING IN ITS WINGS. And you will go out and LEAP LIKE CALVES RELEASED FROM THE STALL."

And so in the book of Acts, chapter 3, when the apostles Peter and John are going up to pray at the temple at three in the afternoon, there's a man there, crippled from birth. Being carried to the temple gate called BEAUTIFUL. Where he's put every day to beg from people going in and out. And he sees Peter and John and he asks them for money. And Peter says, Acts 3 verse 6, "Silver or gold I don't have, but what I have I give you. In the name of JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH… WALK."

And taking him by the hand, he helps him up. And instantly his feet and ankles become strong; and he doesn't just walk. He goes into the temple courts, says verse 8, WALKING AND JUMPING, AND PRAISING GOD." And the people are full of wonder and amazement at what's happened to him.

It is, of course, a picture of the fact that the NEW ERA has arrived. The TURNING POINT TIME. Where people are DECIDING THEIR DESTINY. By deciding what they do with the message about Jesus. Those who REVERE MY NAME… will go out and LEAP LIKE CALVES RELEASED FROM THE STALL.

All that time cooped up in the barn through the winter. Now FREE. In the springtime. And leaping for joy.

Which is of course, the hope we have for DI.

Who FOUND as we heard, the FREEDOM OF SPIRIT that came from PUTTING HER HOPE IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS. And now in a very real way, has found the FREEDOM FROM THE FRUSTRATIONS OF HER BODY. And indeed will be leaping for joy like the calf set free from the stall. Like the lame man who was healed in the temple. Walking and leaping and PRAISING GOD.

It's the HOPE WE HAVE. That in a creation that's now subject to BONDAGE AND DECAY… in a fallen world that groans… there's a great ending for those who have put their trust in Jesus. And in that we rejoice.

Let's join in prayer…

Father, we thank you for the hope we have in the Lord Jesus, in whose name we enjoy freedom from the condemnation of SIN… as those of us who DO REVERE HIS NAME like our sister Di have that great privilege of looking forward to the time of no more frustrations and no more tears… the time when ALL WE WHO ARE LAME will LEAP FOR JOY. We thank you for that peace and joy that Di now enjoys in your presence, and we pray that we too might persevere in faith to the end, in JESUS NAME, AMEN